I entered the University of Illinois intending to major in English and Secondary Education. I wanted to teach English to high schoolers—A noble cause, to be sure. Then, I switched to Elementary Education—An even nobler goal with a mission to instill the fundamentals of the art of writing in America’s youth. How cute, right?
Somewhere during the course of countless games of beer pong, flippy cup, circle of death, and crafting Everclear Jell-O shots in my dorm room as the floor’s resident adviser…I realized that I have no business being a role model.
Instead, I kept the English major and doubled, for kicks, in Communication to earn a full-fledged Bachelor of Arts in Bullshit. This positioned me well to sell my soul and traipse into corporate America, where I quickly learned that I paid the University of Illinois tens of thousands of dollars to write bland business communications at an 8th grade reading level.
As an outlet to fuel my passion for writing and out of respect for the nagging complaints of my Facebook friends crying News Feed overload, I’ve started this blog. Here, I intend to pour my sharp tongue for blunt humor in to subpar entries that no one will likely read.