Whole Life Challenge In Review

Sorry guys, sorry. 

I'm really sorry. I know I let my daily readers down with no immediate grand end post to the Whole Life Challenge. But, you see, I've been a little busy. Eating my face off. Take a look:

Saturday

• Breakfast - Guinness and a big stack of chocolate chip pancakes
• Lunch - Pequods deep dish pizza w/ sausage and pepperoni
• Dinner - 3 soft shell tacos
• Roughly 12 hours of drinking

Sunday

• Brunch - Dunkin Donuts double chocolate donut, a large coffee with extra cream & sugar and a sausage wakeup wrap
• Dinner - 1/2 a large Papa John's pizza

Monday

• Breakfast - Omelet (I needed a break)
• Lunch - Cocoa Krispies with milk...from a cow, not almonds
• Dinner - Portillos large cheese fries with extra cheese and a chocolate cake shake

Tuesday

• Breakfast/Lunch - Fruit and chili (Fearing the unravel of 60 days hard work)
• Dinner - 2 giant slices of leftover Pequod's (Screw the hard work)

So how did I fair?

I'll post the final 3 WLC learnings over the next couple of days, but it feels most appropriate now to share my final reflection as a whole. Since this whole blog has been subjective I've done my best to quantify my results for the review.

Baseline measures

Weight: Lost 6 lbs

Waist: Lost 1 inch

Hips: Lost 1 inch

Workout: Not. A. Damn. Change. I cannot begin to explain how furious I was. Good thing we had already shattered the mirrors in the gym with barbells long ago, because I may have shattered one with my fist. I of course came down with a helluva cold the night before the retest. Despite knowing that I am in a much better state of physical fitness, it did not come through in my results. 

Points: -14 points total. That's 38 deductions plus 24 blog points.

Sentiment Graphing

Just for you, because I know how invested you are in my Whole Life Journey, I went back and read each blog post to rate my daily sentiment towards the Whole Life Challenge. It's not meant to portray how fit or healthy I felt, but my attitudes and emotions towards the WLC, which literally dictated my mood every single day. In my opinion, it's the most important measure. If I'm not happy, fitness and health don't matter.

While I'm surprised to see that I was probably trending a little more positive than negative during the second half of the challenge, it's because I allowed myself to cheat more. In any event, my mental and emotional imbalance is clear.

Blow Darts

This summer, we analyzed the various types of crying and graphically illustrated the impacts on the criers and others. You ideally left the analysis encouraged to maximize the efficacy of your own tears by gaining the desired sympathy, while minimizing your display of patheticness.

Glaringly missing, was how to deal with others eliciting the various types of crying. While the least pathetic types of crying that cause little disruption to the surrounding environment can be politely tended to or ignored, what about the most pathetic?

In many cases of pathetic public crying, an innocent observer can walk away. But unless that inflatable escape slide has wings, or the life vest doubles as a parachute, there's no escape on an airplane. The same is true for other forms of public transit. So what's an innocent traveler to do?

The answer is simple: Blow darts.

Call me crazy or insensitive, but your child's ears popping are not my problem, the shrill in the seat behind me is. In such situations, if parents refuse a drop of cough syrup to put the kid out, offended public should be allowed to fire a simple blow dart tranquilizer. It may seem cruel at first, but we already offer the courtesy to our pets and our insane if they are inconsolably disturbed. If it's clear that the parent plans to let their child scream themselves to sleep anyway, what's the harm in expediting the process?

This simple solution can be applied across many other instances of extremely pathetic public crying. For instance, you should never break up with a knowingly dramatic significant other in a public place. But if you do make that mistake, you may find yourself in an unavoidable situation where you cannot simply walk away. It's only reasonable that you should have the option to relieve yourself, those around you, and the scream crying soul of their misery with a quick, harmless blow dart. They will wake up more calm, rational, and able for any necessary conversations or coping.

Other infractions may include:

• Children throwing temper tantrums in grocery store lines
• Drunk sorority girls sobbing in the middle of a bar
• Non-athletes blubbering over minor sports injuries
• Freshly-fired employees rampaging through an office

Of course, the protocol would not be heartless.  Certain excusable forms of public pathetic crying exist, where blow darts would be strictly prohibited. Funerals, weddings,  and substantial physical injury, for instance, each constitute safe situations.

Certainly this unconventional method would take a long time to socialize. But next time you find yourself in the presence of inescapable public sniveling, consider the overall benefit for the perpetrator, for yourself, for society, that a simple, mild tranquilizer could bring.

Plus, who wouldn't love to fire a blow dart? It's a blast. Not that I know from experience. This blog post is in no way an admission of guilt. Please contact my attorney with any direct inquiries.