Paleo Hot Chocolate

It's 9:00 on a cold weekday night. Following an awesome meal (I'll post that recipe next), I had the urge for hot chocolate. 

So I do what I always do. Throw shit that I have together and pray to Zeus it works. It did! 

Berka's Whole Life Hot Cocoa

• Microwave 6oz of pure almond milk in a mug for 2:45 on medium-high power. I used Califa Farms brand, found in the produce section of Jewel next to the Naked Juice.

• Slowly stir in roughly:

        - 1 T cocoa powder

        - 1 T cinnamon 

        - A pinch of stevia

        - A drop of organic vanilla extract

If you have come to this post looking for paleo recipes, surely you understand this is no Ghirardelli substitute. But it is a sweet, chocolatey beverage to warm a cool night.

 

WLC Learning #7 & #6

WLC Learning #7 - I'm Not Actually An Alcoholic

OK, let me preface by saying that I was never actually concerned that I was an alcoholic. Drinking, however, is part of the social culture in which I roll, and it's not uncommon for me to drink both weekend nights and one weekday night, especially in the summer in Chicago where patios scream your name.

I didn't know how I would react to the alcohol abstinence and, given how poorly I was reacting to the deprivation of everything else, anything could happen. But weekends came and went and I really didn't miss the booze. We did allow ourselves two cheat days that centered around the consumption of everything, especially alcohol. The good news is that, while I did feel the effects more quickly, I still managed to avoid the next-day hangovers per the usual. The trick to that, of course, is awesomely greasy food when the night is over. That's the first and most important thing you learn in college, I think.

While it's great that I validated that I have no dependency on booze, I learned that I am addicted to (what else?) sugar.

WLC Learning #6 - Sugar Is In Literally Everything

You think you don't have a sugar addiction? You're wrong. We all do. Know why? THEY PUT THAT SHIT IN EVERYTHING. I will no longer claim that "I am a grease fiend–Give me pizza over sugar any day."

I believe I wrote during week one of this Whole Life Challenge that I would have killed a hobo for a cookie and in week two or three chronicled the Candy Corn Affair of 2013. I really had no idea that it was in my marinara sauces, random, unassuming snack foods, and in my bacon. My poor, sweet bacon! Once I took it out of my normal foods, I jonesed hard like I never have before, hiding in dark corners and plotting a raid of the solar skittle machine. The CPG industry has had me addicted to sugar all these years and I hadn't a clue.

WLC Learning #9 & #8

WLC Learning #9 - Larabars Are God's Gift To The World

It's 9:00 on a Wedneaday night. You're starving, staring piteously into a barren fridge with no time or will power to hit the grocery store. The post-workout shakes rattle the cupboards and drawers pulled open in vain until-There! Just there, wedged between the cutting board, oven mits and 8 year old garbage bag ties...one last Larabar! You thought they were gone since you poured them like candy into your bottomless pit of a stomach during the first weeks of Whole Life Starvation.

Yes, Larabars are the real winner of this WLC, saving starving souls at work, on business travel, during road trips. You name the diar food situation and the Larabar makes it all better with its datey, nutty, fruity goodness.

But why are these little nuggets of goodness necessary? Well, it's because:

WLC Learning # 8 - Americans eat like shit

I know this isn't news, per se. But the level of awfulness in the American diet was exposed as downright abysmal by WLC standards.

I'm not even talking about the obvious fast food offenses. There is no such thing as healthy food in a pinch, except for raw fruits and veggies, nuts and the Larabar. You think those plantain chips will be acceptable road trip food? Sorry sister, has sugar. Switch it up with a Kind bar? Honey. There is basically not a single packaged food that you can pick up and eat from the grocery store that is WLC approved.


It's truly maddening. Why can't we just stop loading our food up with crap? It's shocking how difficult it is to eat clean, and I'm not even including grassy-fed or organic meats in this equation.

Your options are to:

• Spend a whole paycheck at Whole Foods, be broke, and spend your whole life cooking
• Spend less money but significantly more frustration at a regular grocery store, be a little less broke, and still spend your whole life cooking

Doesn't that sound fun?

WLC Learning #10

Whole Life Challenge Learning #10 - Business Makes You Fat

Friends, at this point, you know what I eat, that I CrossFit, that I'm a cheating, lying son-of-a-bitch and intimately how I feel about this WLC. For these final 10 days, I'm instead going to share my top 10 Whole Life Challenge Learnings. Beginning with...

#10) Business Makes You Fat

It's a wonder that every American business person doesn't weigh 300lbs. As I write this, I just arrived back to my hotel room following the kick off reception of a conference. A healthcare conference, to be exact. At this healthcare conference, I stood in an exhibit hall for three hours full of people munching on buffet tables of fried food and buzzing around the several bars with not 1, but 5 free drink tickets. 

I pregamed this event with a salad which allowed me to mostly stay away from the buffet table. As it ended, I emerged proud and triumphant for having maintained self control and sticking to my plan. Feeling finally free of temptation and slinking away to my room, I passed a crowd of conference-goers convening in a post-reception room full of free pizza, s'mores and booze whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Snap back to reality and I see it's not the food beconing me, but a client prospect.

"You're having some s'mores with us, right!?" she coaxed cheerfully, 

"For sure! I'll stop in for a bit," I internally crumbled. I made a quick lap, never looking a marshmallow or pepperoni in the eye, and shuffled desperately back to my room to get my 10 in pathetic minutes of exercise.

So goes business conferences, and I endured 2 during the course of the Whole Life Challenge. Business networking centers around unhealthy behaviors - happy hours, networking dinners, appetizers, baked good smorgasbords disguised as "coffee breaks." And don't forget the travel food and lack of time for any physical activity.

You think you're safe at the office, and you're wrong. You eat your feeble reheated lunch and are forced to combat birthday bagels and donuts, leftover sweets from client meetings, catered in deep dish pizza and a god-forsaken solar candy machine that only requires you to cast a godamn shadow for a hand full of Skittles, M&Ms or the candy de jour. I hate that candy machine. We are not friends.

Cumulative Deductions: 32

Whole Life Challenge Day 46

Tuesday, October 21st

1) What did you consume?

A banana, a small chicken salad, almonds, a pumpkin bar, an apple, and fake nachos (sweet potato chips, shredded chicken tossed in Frank's hot sauce, refried beans, onions, guacamole and salsa)

2) Were you active and what did you do?

Tough Times with Tommy was at it again and we all got schooled on proper pushup form while blasting really terrible music. We got on Tommy about his music about more than usual. Tommy was not pleased. Tougher Times with Tommy ensued.

3) Did you complete the lifestyle challenge?

Yes.

4) Did you cheat/lie?

Gum and 4 Skittles. Its not my fault that Skittles just tend to fall out of the solar dispenser once a day when I walk by...

5) How do you feel?

Halloween has fast crept upon us and, for women under 30, that usually means organizing costumes once fitting only for cable TV. All TV is trashy now, so that analogy no longer works. In a moment of panic last night, I realized that I had forgotten my annual tradition of starving myself the week before in feeble efforts to shed any last-minute pounds.

Fortunately, it dawned on me that, thanks to this Whole Life Challenge, my fasting needs are not nearly as dire as in previous years. Oh, there will be starvation, make no mistake. Starvation and self-loathing wrapped up in a package called dysmorphia. That's how most 20-something women roll on Halloween.

Whole Life Challenge Day 45

Monday, October 21st

1) What did you consume?

The banana, too many pumpkin bars, some almonds, a barbacoa salad from Chipotle and a scrambled egg.

2) Were you active and what did you do?

Yes, I went to CrossFit and worked out with mediocre performance. But I realized that I forgot to brag (let's call a spade a spade) about having done 55 strict pull-ups during the WOD on Friday–A huge accomplishment for me. Basically it's like I've taken off a 10lb weight vest. All bar work feels exponentially easier.

Still not worth it.

3) Did you complete the lifestyle challenge?

Yes, by my own standards.

4) Did you cheat/lie?

Gum and Skittles

5) How do you feel?

Feeling OK. But let's talk for a second about how awesome my dad is. Everyday, as I've said before, he brings me a banana, a bag of almonds and usually some additional fruit. The fruit always disappears, but I learned early into the challenge that eating too many nuts was giving me headaches. However, I always gladly and thankfully accept his food gifts for two reasons:

1. Never, ever turn down free food. Ever.
2. It's a really nice reminder of why I am doing the Whole Life Challenge and the amazing people in my life who support me everyday.

The end result, however is the absolutely hilarious amount of almonds in my desk drawer. Probably a gallon spread across a bevy of ziplock bags:

Rest assured these almonds will be eaten. And probably my dad will read this (thanks, Dad!) and decide tomorrow morning that maybe I don't need anymore almonds, per se. But those little bags of almonds and I have been through some hard times (First World problems), and I appreciate my family's support, since I know not everyone has that luxury (real talk).

Cumulative Deductions: 31

Whole Life Challenge Days 42-43-44

Second to Last Weekend in Hell

1) What did you consume?

Scroll to bottom for recipe for
Berka's Baked Good Frenzy Pumpkin Bars

I ate clean all weekend except for dessert at a family BBQ on Saturday. It included one of my future mother-in-law's pumpkin cupcakes and 2 s'mores (you can't have just one, as anyone who's seen The Sandlot knows). I'm grouping this cheat together as a combo dessert for 1 point deduction. If I had gone to I restaurant and ordered some slice of 5-layer chocolate cake with ice cream or something, that would only be a point. I'm merely adjusting for scale.

As far as supplements, I took the usual fish oil on Friday, vitamin D on Sunday, and on Saturday...Zyrtec.

Sunday night after dinner I scavenged the fridge for a piece of fruit to no avail. In a calm fit of desperation, I pulled out my food processor and set out to make something sweet and delicious with only ingredients available in my meager kitchen. Unbelievably, it worked. Scroll to the bottom for the recipe.

2) Were you active and what did you do?

Not particularly. I worked out on Friday, but not Saturday or Sunday. I could have definitely found time either day, but I just didn't feel like it. I also didn't get mobility in on Sunday. Meh.

3) Did you complete the lifestyle challenge and how do you feel?

The new lifestyle challenge is to spend 10 minutes a day doing "something you love." How touching. Clearly this is a challenge, like every other aspect of this challenge, programmed for people who don't work demanding full time jobs in Chicago. I wake up, commute about 2 hours round trip, work 8+ hours, hit the gym, scramble to find food to cram in my face at 8:30 or 9:00 at night, sleep and repeat. The WLC wants me to what, knit from 10:00-10:10PM? Learn how to play guitar in all my spare time? I'm counting my blogging for this because I enjoy writing and I've no time to add anything else.

4) Did you cheat/lie?

I'm deducting 7 points for the weekend–4 for workouts missed, 2 for mobility missed, and 1 for dessert on Saturday. However, I did also have 3 Skittles, 3 chocolate chips and 1 dark chocolate Hershey's kiss. Meh.

Also, those of you who think an extra Zyrtec can't count as as a supplement, you obviously don't have allergies like I do. And if that's not good enough, then I will propose my blood pressure medication as an alternative. But you'll allow one of them, and you'll like it.

5) How do you feel?

It's getting even harder to follow the Whole Life Challenge as it's winding down. I'm feeling more defiant and even my fiancé pointed out my slippage. Which, for all the fiancés keeping track out there, does not earn you brownie points. Mostly because the brownies don't exist. There are no brownies.

But really, it was appropriate that we took a road trip to central Illinois both at the beginning and end of this challenge. It didn't get easier. There was still nothing sufficient to eat on the road except for fruit and nuts, which still annoyed me to the core.

Cumulative Deductions: 31

Berka's Baked Good Frenzy Pumpkin Bars

• 36 oz whole pitted dates
• ~ 1/2 c canned pumpkin 
• ~ 2 T pumpkin pie spice
• 3 eggs

1. Blend dates until they become as smooth as possible .
2. Slowly add in pumpkin and allow to blend with dates thoroughly.
3. Add eggs and pumpkin pie spice, blend thoroughly. Batter should feel like really soft cookie dough or really thick brownie.
4. Spread evenly across a 9 x 13 cookie sheet (I greased mine in coconut oil) and bake at 325 for 15-18 minutes
5. Allow to cool and cut in to desired sized bars

The final consistency is like a lemon bar - Thin, a little gooey, and delicious.