Chri$ty

Anyone who follows me via social media knows how much I LOVE Ke$ha. Okay…maybe we’ll call it tough love. OK – I can’t stand her.

I find a few of her songs acceptable, but ultimately have a grand vision where Ke$ha’s, Lady Gaga’s and Katy Perry’s personas get into a cat fight and are tragically trampled to death by overzealous gay men, sorority girls and high school students stampeding to save their favorite siren.

That said, I’ve procured free concert tickets to her show this evening in Chicago. I can’t pass up an opportunity for free music and people watching. Plus LMFAO is going to be there (which actually means nothing to me)!

If I’m going to go to a Ke$ha concert, I’ll be a good sport and try to blend into the crowd and evoke the spirit of the artist for the evening. If you, too, are going to the Ke$ha concert and want to be the best grungy-hipster-skank you can be, you can follow these simple steps: 

• Step 1: Roll out of bed

• Step 2: Don’t shower 

• Step 3: Assess level of feeling like P Diddy – If low, listen to some P Diddy 

• Step 4: Brush teeth with a bottle of Jack 

• Step 5: Locate dirty clothes hamper, reach to the bottom, grab random clothes OR buy hot pants 

• Step 6: If dirty clothes do not look unkempt enough, find scissors, dirt, glitter, makeup or any other materials that will make them look sufficiently raunchy 

• Step 7: Find or buy a pair of tights; cut trashy holes in them 

• Step 8: Put on heavy makeup (everything except lipstick/gloss) and smear across face 

• Step 9: Purchase and apply turquoise lipstick and eye glitter 

• Step 10: Find a necklace; add a Jesus charm or figurine 

• Step 11: Replace any “S” in your name with a dollar sign anytime you write it all day 

Now that you’ve got the Ke$ha look, fill a water bottler full of Skol and Kool Aid to smuggle into the concert and you’re good to go. Live hot and dangerous.

XOXO,
Chri$ty